I know that I am an insecure person by nature, if it’s possible to have that trait naturally. I remember always feeling insecure, and unsure of myself since childhood. I’m not really sure why I have these issues. I know that I’ve had some friendships/relationships that haven’t helped my problem, but I have to say that I’ve always dealt with the feelings of not being quite “good enough” or not really fitting in. It’s not fun always second-guessing yourself, and it causes one to sell themselves short.
Now that I’m a GROWN adult, with four children, and a life of sorts, I would think that I wouldn’t still be facing this struggle. But here I am, finding myself always hoping that I fit in somewhere. Always wanting acceptance, and affirmations from others.
In the blogosphere I almost find myself feeling more insecure than I do in my real life. I find myself thinking how inadequate I am as a blogger, writer, and what’s more, I even start to doubt my parenting abilities. Crazy, I know! I get wrapped up in reading other’s posts, and commenting, and then I don’t always receive the same feedback I’d like on my posts. Then I check my stats, and I feel like I got punched in the gut, because they just aren’t high enough. I even find myself getting irritated with other bloggers because “they commented on so-and-so’s blog, but not on mine.”
I am also thoroughly annoyed when I read about blogging communities that force you to apply, and be accepted, like you’re trying out for high-school cheerleading, and if you aren’t “cool” enough, then too bad, no dice baby. This is ludicrous behavior for adults, and it really chaps my hide. I’ve also noticed that many bloggers express jealousy by way of the “insult” method. It’s the age-old adage that if you feel low about yourself, then kick someone else, and you’ll feel much better. Not only is this behavior extremely unattractive, but it is very obvious and noticeable to others. Yes, we do see right through it!
What all of this behavior boils down to, at least in my opinion, is that we all want to fit in, and be accepted. Whether we are nerdy, preppy, popular, athletic, fat, skinny, etc. We all need occasional accolades and reinforcement of ourselves. I’d love to see less rude behavior, no more snarkyness, or snobbish actions, and a lot more love, affirmations, and acceptance. I know, I live in a falsehood, but can’t a girl dream??
This post really isn’t supposed to be whine-fest 2009, but I just want to express how I feel in the only outlet I have. Thanks 
Am I alone in this, or do others feel the same way??
{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }
i could have written this post.
seriously.
and with twitter around, it makes everything that much worse.
I couldn’t have said it better myself Lizzy. I felt the same way growing up, and while I am more secure with myself now, I always find faults.
I think the bloggosphere could be a much better place too. We all want the same things, why can’t everyone just get along.
I sometimes fret over my stats too, that they’re just not “good enough”, but then at the same time I have to think that they will get better. You’re blog is great hun and I’m sorry I don’t stop by more often. It is nothing personal at all, and I’m sure a lot of others feel the same way! *Hugs*
Lizzy, you aren’t alone. I try to make personal posts and no one comments them, but I get a lot of giveaway entries…I feel used for my giveaways, if I stop the giveaways I feel like I’ll lose all traffic, no one likes **me**.
I too felt like it growing up, I was always the odd one out, I didnt fit in with anyone in school, I just existed, thats it. I feel that has poured over into my adult life too, including my blog. It’s sad…why cant people take the time to get to know someone and learn who they really are.
Hugs Lizzy! I don’t comment often on much of any blogs, but just so you know, I do read your blog!
Lizzy I feel this way and so much more. I think it’s important to give back to others and help one another.
More love!!!!
I think that we all feel that way sometimes. There was a time when i would spend most of my day visiting blogs and making comments and there were some that I would never get any feedback from. I started to wonder if it was something that I said or didn’t say? Finally I just had to let it go. Now I am on limited computer time and just do my best, I blog when I can and appreciate the feedback that I do get. I enter sweeps when I can, twitter when I can & visit blogs that I like whenever possible. Don’t let the turkeys get you down or someone mash your potatoes. Life is meant to be sweet, like apple,pumpkin or my fave: pecan pie:)
I think we all feel that way at some point or another. I too would love to see the childish posts and tweets and attacks go away. I figure if I don’t like something I will ignore them or it (unless someone drags me into the middle of something then watch out LOL)). It’s a much more peaceful way to live although at times it does make me feel lonely. I won’t choose sides and then I feel like that’s not good enough for either side and that is the pettiest crap ever.
Luckily I have a few good friends that I can turn to and overall on twitter and such the bad apples are much few and further between than then good ones…whew.
But I totally get the insecure feeling, I am insecure everyday I know who is talking about me (back to the sides thing) and it does get to me and I do get to a point I want to say I know what you are saying to them but really it’s not worth my time or energy so I just move on and remember what I started blogging for and just keep on doing that.
Liz, For some reason, the part you wrote about feeling insecure growing up shocks me. To me, you were one of the coolest people I had ever known. I always felt so cool hanging out with you, especially at Falls Creek and at Oak Hall. I wanted to be just like you.
I think you are doing a great job. I think you are a phenomenal mother, wife, friend, sister, daughter, etc. I also think that it’s easier for people to be mean and judgmental when it’s on a computer, and not face to face. I also think these are the types of people who should have their internet privileges taken away.
Keep up the good work. Know you are still one of the coolest people I’ve ever known.
NO you are not alone, I agree with you. I also feel jealous when I see bloggers comment on others blogs and not mine, especially when I am a loyal commenter on their blog. *Hugs*
Last night I decided to go back to the beginning of my blog, and I started reading my random posts and it occurred to me that, when I started blogging and really all the way until last July (2008) blogging was wonderful. I never saw anyone being mean, people saying rude things, twitter wasn’t around, and everyone got along. We all would blog hop each day to read what everyone was saying. Now it seems that if you blog hop over to someones site they think your there to “steal” whatever product review they have. It’s pathetic and sad.
I keep to myself because I am so sick of the trash talking. I am so sick of people being mean to each other.
I am apart of ONE forum, and guess what it’s an LDS board. It is my one place to go and escape because I know I am not judged, I know I have real friends there.
It’s really sad that blogging has turned this way, I miss how it used to be.
I don’t have a blog, but I come and read others and enjoy most of them. I do like it when bloggers don’t trash other’s or put down another blogger. I like when they give them moral support, or just friendly chit chat.
I can’t comment on every blog, there’s just not enough time in my day for that with the family, home cleaning and other duties, and taking the dogs out for wallks, and sometimes dealing with my health issues. I just pick here and there and hope I’ve touched a couple of blogs a day in I hope a positive way. I think it was Mrs. Roosevelt that said “No one else can make you feel inferior, but yourself.” So I think that when their are those in the blogsphere that you can tell are trying to do that to you and others, well just stay away from them like the plague, don’t visit their blogs and torture yourself, don’t try to be anyone than who you are, because you are Great, God Created you, he loves you, and really in the end that is what matters the most. Hang in there, there are people who care out here too.
I can relate to this in many ways.
(And let me back up and say that like Erin, I am also surprised by this! You have always seemed to be very self-confident and not at all insecure!)
I found myself struggling with these feelings A LOT in my first years blogging. The blogging world seemed like a giant high school and I knew from the start I wasn’t going to be at the Cool Girls Table. And that used to make me bitter and resentful.
Many times, even now, I’ll visit a new blog that has tons of subscribers and think “What does she have that I don’t?”
I will say, however, that having been a part of this thing for so long (almost four years! what?! how is that possible?), the insecurity issues come up less and less. What works best for me is to ignore my stats and just focus on relationships. THAT is what brings me the most joy these days.
I have lots of thoughts on the lack of comments – thoughts I keep meaning to write up in a post, so I won’t bore you with them now, but you aren’t the only one who is wondering where all the commenters have gone!
Why oh why am I not getting you feedburner emails anymore? Great post, as you know I’m kind of on the inside looking a little further in than most people and I see exactly what you are talking about and am not about to that that “plunge” until things get straightened out. I still comment, however my crazy life limits me, but only for another week, yay football is almost over!
Thanks so much to everyone who commented, each of you have brought some form of insight and encouragement to me. I truly appreciate the time you took to comment!
ACK! You read my mind! Great post, girl. Thanks for sharing! You know I love ya! xoxo
It just occurred to me too that I don’t comment here much – BUT then I realized I don’t get your email subscription. I’m so sorry! I will sign up again and hope that works.
I feel as you do many times, but as each day goes by, I find myself just letting it roll off my back. Forums, or so I thought, are there to help others – not a private bashing group. I like everyone unless they do me wrong. I don’t see why everyone can’t just be friendly, or at least try, you know?
You are well loved – please know that!
Lizzy, I love you, I love this post not for you know, the fact that you’re not feelin’ the love, but for the fact that you wrote it. And on that note, you are wonderful, and you have fabulous people in your life. Whats better- 5 fabulous people (or so) or 100 unfabulous people??
Yes, yes, me, too! And no matter how successful you become as a blogger, there’s always someone with more comments and followers than you — on the flip side, you have to realize there’s someone with fewer who’s looking up to you. I’m trying to just continue to be kind, to both sets!